b'SIGNS , , SIGNS , , EVERYWHERESIGNS . . .Thank-you MaryAnn Fleming for the opportunity to recon- Nobodytellsyouthatthesame nect with my Funny Bone during the COVID-19 pandemic bypeople own all three stands and that all writing humour columns for the Focus newsletters. I hope thatof the nuts are the same. Tears fill your they brought smiles to some of your faces during this worrisomeeyeswhenyoucomeacrossafourth time in history. I am pleased to be asked to continue writing col- stand with a sign that says, DISCOUNT umns that I hope readers will find to be a bit witty and a bit wise.NUTS! HALF PRICE!Here is my latest column about SIGNS! which I am sure manyIll admit that I get around a bit, patronizing fruit, veggie people can relate to.and nut stands, hither and yon. Im always lured in by the SLOW! R emember before the COVID-19 pandem-tempting words FARM FRESH CORN. What, I ask you, is DOWN ic when we were allowed to roam free? the other option? A can of niblets for sale on the side of the When driving around certain Americanroad by the farmers field? states, have you ever come across those big,HANDPICKEDalwaysconfusesmetoo.Whatelse red-painted homemade signs on the high- would you expect? Picked by feet?BEST way that read, PECANS! TWO MILES!YouNow lets pretend that we are travelling in soft fruit LOCAL drive a bit more and then you see it, amidstcountry. The sign at the first stand says FARM PEACHES. a crowd of people, a big gaudy statue of anFollowed by the second stand, FRESH PEACHES. Then VEGGIES inflatable nut reaching up to the heavens,the third, LOCAL PEACHES. Likely all the peaches are AHEAD beckoning you to stop and buy. Families arefresh, local and from a farm? Sadly, you missed all three even taking selfies with this giant nut! because the kids were acting up in the back seat, distract-This is the first pecan stand, and you donting you. You peer desperately out of the front window, know how many more there will be, but, oh no, theres abut alas, there are no more peach stands. Your craving for tractor-trailer right on your tail. You cantStop mouthwatering sweet peaches is overtaking you. Time to safely stop or you think you cant, so youNOW ! hit a grocery store. Hopefully all of these peaches wont be keep driving. And driving and driving, andimported! Or in a can!wishing and hoping for more opportunitiesThe same scenario could be true for farm stand straw-to buy nuts. Whats that up ahead? Hurrah!berries. FRESH! LOCAL! ORGANIC! U PICK! WE PICK! Theres another pecan stand, a modest oneYOU Decisions, decisionsthis time, but nobody is shopping there, soHAVE The moral of the story is that if you dont stop in time, you give it a pass. Maybe people know thatthere may be no more chances. No nuts, no peaches, no these are not prime nuts. Maybe word gotJUST strawberries, and definitely no corn on the cob for you. Lifes around.ARRIVED like that, eh? Youve got to make choices. Youve got to take You are going to go for door numberchances. Often its a guessing game, a matter of intuition. three, so to speak. So you keep on driving,Whats your gut feeling? Ive never seen an honest sign that anddriving,untilvoila!Theresanothersign:HALF Aread SECOND LAST CHANCE FOR APRICOTS or YOUR MILE! PECANS! PRALINES! Oh, pralines sound good. SoVERY LAST CHANCE FOR ZUCCHINI, have you? glad you held out for this one. So you stop and pay exorbi- go My fantasy has always been to open a lit-tant dollars for a large bag of each, and they are oh, so good.back ! tle coffee shop. Many years ago, there was a You are glad that you waited. You are happily munchingrestaurant on Highway 12 creatively named as you proceed down the highway. You feel confident thatThe Last Chance Cafe. I would call my cof-you made the right call. Going for the third nut stand wasfee shop Your Last Chance Cafe (if The Last meant to be.YOU Chance Cafe folks promised not to sue me.) MISSED Your Last Chance Cafe would be located on a highway on the way to somewhere, and it YOUR would be the last chance toyouturn get a nice cappuccino beforeblew it !Fitness coaching you left town. But heres the -private trick.Ifyouweredriving -semi-private into town, the sign on the other side of the coffee shop would read Your First ChanceSEE-online Cafe.Clearcommunicationandinforma- YOUtion!Wouldnt it be great if produce stands (905)436-5734 also had better signs to let you know if youNEXTbartwagar@zenfit.ca hadanyotherchances?ThenyouwouldYEARfree strategy session know exactly when to stop. Or would that make life too darn easy?By Lynn Campbell, Focus on Scugog44FOCUS - AUGUST 2020'